These are the 80-something tweets that formed the original “Arab Tyrant’s Manual”. Although most were posted by me, I cannot claim exclusive credit for them. Many were “retweets”, as I collected and restated other people’s contributions. I include them here as-is, hash-tags included, only editing to correct typos.

For a (rather lengthy) introduction to the Arab Tyrant's Manual, click here.

 

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Help me compile an "Arab Tyrant's Standard Revolution Response Manual". What would be on it?

 

> So an Arab Tyrant would, in response to revolution: Offer money like pay increases... #ArabTyrantManual 

( 10 Votes )

 

> Say: "This is not X" (where X is the country that had a revolution just before) #ArabTyrantManual 

( 15 Votes )

 

> Uniformed police, followed by plainclothes thugs, followed by the army. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 16 Votes )

 

> Blame Aljazeera, then attack it, then shut it down in the country. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 18 Votes )

 

> Blame it on "foreign agendas." 

( 19 Votes )

 

> Blame it on a conspiracy. The more ridiculously bigger, the better. Our country is so awsome that everyone is trying to bring us down. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 25 Votes )

 

> Say "We support the youths" (while their own police force is beating the crap out of the youth) #ArabTyrantManual 

( 15 Votes )

> Blame it on Islamists. Start small (Muslim Brotherhood) then go all the way to the big boogie man, Alqaeda. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 16 Votes )

 

> Ignore events completely, realize late how serious things really are, and give a midnight speech to the nation. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 13 Votes )

 

> Warn of factionalism, sectarianism, tribalism, and many other scary "isms". #ArabTyrantManual 

( 15 Votes )

 

> Reshuffle the cabinet. Then reshuffle it again. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 11 Votes )

 

> Get thugs out of jail, give them bludgeon type weapons, and let them loose upon the people. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 16 Votes )

 

> Burn down your own police stations and blame it on the protesters. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 17 Votes )

 

> Act surprised when suddenly, fire breaks out in prisons where political detainees are held. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 16 Votes )

 

> Make a teary, emotional display about how much you love your country and how you spent your life serving it. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 17 Votes )

 

> Insist that everything is fine. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 17 Votes )

 

> When things get bad, shut down mobile networks & social media. When they get really bad, shut down the internet. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 18 Votes )

 

> Claim ignorance. "I didn't know that there were these problems, and I will punish those responsible for it!" #ArabTyrantManual 

( 16 Votes )

 

> Say that only a tiny percentage of the people are against me. The majority are with me. Cite the latest elections. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 19 Votes )

 

> Say that "Change must take place" and promise great and amazing things if those kids would just stay at home. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 14 Votes )

 

> Addition to #ArabTyrantManual: Promise radical change. Say that this regime that remained static for 40 years can reform in 9 months. 

( 12 Votes )

 

> Say that you were going to retire soon anyway and had no intention of running for the next elections. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 12 Votes )

 

> Say that you are planning to peacefully relinquish power at the next election, scheduled 12 years later. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 15 Votes )

 

> Get yourself a shameless liar and make him Minister of Information & head of state TV. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 13 Votes )

 

> Insist on following the constitution. Ignore them when they say you didn't care about the constitution before. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 11 Votes )

 

> Complain on behalf of "average citizens" that normal life is being held up due to the protests. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 14 Votes )

 

> Say that you ruled the country out of love and service and you have no desire for power and have no money. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 14 Votes )

 

> Have a military parade. Say it's for the nation. It's actually to show them what'll come at them if they revolt. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 12 Votes )

 

> Order the interior minister to kill them all. Then sack him for his heavy-handedness. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 15 Votes )

 

> Say that the kids were pure of heart, but were tricked by "foreign agendas". #ArabTyrantManual 

( 13 Votes )

 

> Say that the kids were tricked into protesting through X (KFC, Nescafe, drugs, sex, etc.) #ArabTyrantManual 

( 14 Votes )

 

> Kill a thousand. And then say that you have no idea how they died because you haven't used force "yet". #ArabTyrantManual 

( 11 Votes )

 

> Stage demonstrations in support of your rule. But don't give them flags & banners. Give them 50 bucks & an AK47. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 11 Votes )

 

> Say your country doesn't need a revolution coz it already had one. Cite the year you came to power. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 10 Votes )

 

> Let your thugs loose on the protesters. Say that these were unfortunate clashes between pro- and anti- demonstrators. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 10 Votes )

 

> Bring in the boogie man of your grandfather's generation: Colonialism & imperialism. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 10 Votes )

 

> Call your favorite brown-nose celebrity (singer, dancer, soccer player, etc.). Ask to talk on TV in your support. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 9 Votes )

 

> Use religion. Call your state mufti and promise him a pay raise for the proper fatwa. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 8 Votes )

 

> Hold a press conference to suck up to journalists. Then, send thugs after them to punch them and smash their cameras. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 10 Votes )

 

> Say that the protests started as a pure youth movement but were ""hijacked"" by a foreign agenda. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 12 Votes )

 

> Foreign agenda X (where X can be: Islamism, Zionism, Israel, Iran, USA, colonialism, imperialism...) #ArabTyrantManual 

( 12 Votes )

 

> Have a charming interview with a famous journalist. Amanpour would do. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 10 Votes )

 

> Say that your people are not ready for democracy. You have to pave the way to it, by acting like a complete asshole. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 9 Votes )

 

> If foreign nations criticize, blast them for not understanding your culture. "In our culture, I rule. They obey." #ArabTyrantManual 

( 9 Votes )

 

> Send your army into the streets. Say they are there to "protect the kids". Have them kidnap and rape the kids instead. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 12 Votes )

 

> After your army steamrolls protests, swear that the army was unarmed. The protesters did it to themselves to frame you. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 14 Votes )

 

> When bullet-ridden bodies, pictures, & videos are cited, explain that the kids did it to themselves, just to spite you. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 11 Votes )

 

> Pull a Bundy ("four touchdowns in one game"). Brag about your wartime achievements for your country. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 10 Votes )

 

> Say that you finally understand the people. "I understand you now." #ArabTyrantManual 

( 9 Votes )

 

> Tell them that if they don't go back home, the bad men will come and take away all their oil. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 9 Votes )

 

> Say that you "got the message" and "will act on it soon". Don't mention what "soon" means. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 9 Votes )

 

> Reshuffle the cabinet one more time, just coz you're bored. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 8 Votes )

 

> When things get really bad, appoint the second most hated guy in the country as your VP. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 9 Votes )

 

> Bring up the economy. The kids are destroying the economy. Don't mention how the economy looked before this point. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 7 Votes )

 

> Say that you have no real power anyway so you don't need to step down. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 7 Votes )

 

> When in doubt, insult. "They are X". (X = Dogs, rats, mice, snakes, owls, generic small animals). #ArabTyrantManual 

( 8 Votes )

 

> Say that your presence is a safety valve, and if you leave the country will explode in an orgy of sectarian killing. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 12 Votes )

 

> Ask parents to keep their kids at home. Tell the kids that they shouldn't say no to their parents. It's bad manners. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 8 Votes )

 

> Insist that all your beeble love you and would die for you. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 12 Votes )

 

> To show just how much your people love you, hold a demonstration in your capital. Louder than a gay pride parade. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 9 Votes )

 

> Explain how force is unfortunate but it's the only thing that will work in this culture. Present yourself as a strongman. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 8 Votes )

 

> Remember to use delay tactics to liquidate & move decades of stolen assets. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 8 Votes )

 

> If it gets out that you have X billion dollars, say that you've been saving up for the people's birthday present. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 6 Votes )

 

> In your "Amanpour moment", explain how you are secular and Westernized in a land of tribal savages. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 7 Votes )

 

> Tell the people that they are your children and you speak to them as a father. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 7 Votes )

 

> Say that you are a great soldier who never gives up the fight. Book a suite in Jeddah, just in case. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 7 Votes )

 

> Tell people that if they don't go home, the country will become the next X (X = Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, etc.) #ArabTyrantManual 

( 8 Votes )

 

> When you've had enough of them, attack Aljazeera physically. Shut them down. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 8 Votes )

 

> Approve a few suck-up silly political parties. Point to this as an example of change. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 6 Votes )

 

> Shut down the stock market and the banks. Blame it on the protesters. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 7 Votes )

 

> Choose a scruffy looking opposition figure who has no support among the people. Hold "talks" with him about change. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 7 Votes )

 

> When it gets really bad, hire mercenaries and have them shoot at your people. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 7 Votes )

 

> Cut cities' water & electricity and block the passage of food and medical supplies. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 7 Votes )

 

> Blow up a Church and blame it on the Islamists. Say that your rule provides stability and protects minorities. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 8 Votes )

 

> Let some crazy Islamists out of jail. Tell foreign politicians that if you allow free elections, they will come to power. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 7 Votes )

 

> Call all your other tyrant buddies and ask them to provide guns & money for you. Tell them if you fall, they're next. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 8 Votes )

 

> Don't allow funerals. Hold the bodies. Funerals become demonstrations. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 9 Votes )

 

> Collect the bodies of the dead and injured (they will die eventually). They will always come in handy. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 9 Votes )

 

> Don't allow Fridays. Big congregations are scary. Shut down mosques. Cite emergency fatwas. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 9 Votes )

 

> When all foreign TVs are showing the main square protests, air something inane on your own TV. A drama. Or a comedy show. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 10 Votes )

 

> Say you never intended to have your son run after you. Make sure you have a daughter. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 7 Votes )

 

> Find a big, hungry foreign country with no morals and offer them preferential contracts if they give you support. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 7 Votes )

 

> Dye your hair and use a lot of gel, and have a voluptuous nurse apply botox to your face. Look young. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 7 Votes )

 

> Demonstrate your confidence with a casual prop of some kind. Umbrellas are good. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 8 Votes )

 

> Shoot fake footage or pass fake info to news sources, and then refute it. Say this proves that all reporting by “foreign media” is false. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 8 Votes )

 

> Order police to kill people. Then say you don't know how it happened and you'll form a fact-finding commission. #ArabTyrantManual 

( 9 Votes )

 

> Offer amnesty for whoever turns himself in. Say that if they don't, they'll be shot dead. (If they do turn themselves in, torture them to death anyway.) 

( 9 Votes )

 

> Give your thugs 'net connections and Facebook accounts. Have them take their thuggery online. Start with Twitter and Facebook, but don't forget to spam article comment sections. 

( 11 Votes )

 

Note that the original tweets were compiled early by Amira Al-Husseini here, and by Sandra Gore Nielsen here. Thanks Amira, thanks Sandra.